Moving on from trauma means moving forward with knowledge and healing.
We are looking to help you towards a place where, even if there is stuff that still is perhaps not fully left in the past, you have some things that are now behind you and you have all the skills now to deal with what’s still hanging around.
You are now fully armed to heal yourself.
You might need to remind yourself that these tools are never wasted once they are under your skin, they are so deep that you never lose them, they go with you for the rest of your life and that’s why I believe nothing takes you off your feet in the same way again.
It’s not that bad stuff won’t happen, it’s just that you will have a skills-kit and an inner personal power that you know that you can rely on.
So here are the 3 signs that you’re finally moving on after tough times.
1. You’re integrating your experience
Part of moving on for all of us, is how new experiences, good and bad, fit into our lives as a whole; integrating them, is putting ‘tags’ on them and storing them in a useful way.
Coming through traumatic breakdown to the other side where you do not have symptoms anymore or you have only some low level issues means you put it into the ‘memory store’ labelled:
‘Recovered but it will never be okay that happened’
‘Recovered, and I’m glad that happened because it changed my life for the better’
‘Recovered, and I never want to talk about it again’
‘Recovered and I want to tell everyone about my story’.
There is no right or wrong way. You can now decide outside of the turmoil where you ‘store’ and how you integrate it into your life. This is your ultimate choice.
You get to acknowledge and accept that your rich tapestry of life is not torn to shreds anymore and that it is repaired and put together stronger than ever.
2. You’re giving yourself the time you need
It’s almost with some trepidation that I talk about ‘moving on’, because I can’t help thinking it suggests that we expect there to be a time frame to moving on and actually, realistically I guess we do.
People in general tend to give traumatised people a kind of ‘window’ of getting themselves better and nobody knows this more than the traumatised people themselves. You know and you can feel when people are tired of your predicament and your turmoil.
It is this relationship, this felt atmosphere that makes people go underground and not finish the job thoroughly.
It’s such a terrible shame when that happens and I’m hoping that this frank discussion about such a difficult time in your life will help you understand that there is no one right way, and you are entitled to take the time you need to recover.
Only you know when you are well again.
It may simply be that little extra bit of patience from somebody that gives you the permission to heal thoroughly. If we all had that opportunity to change the course of somebody’s suffering to recovery, how privileged would the majority of us feel to be able to be part of that?
I’ve often said over the years even to my children, we have a chance every day when we meet people to make that moment a good one, why on earth would we not take that opportunity?
When it’s something as significant as this, basically, when its life or death for some, those extra moments of care and consideration may make all the difference.
3. You’re testing out the new you
So, you might be asking yourself what’s the difference between just having vision for your future and actually moving on, and I’m asking that question too. And I’m fairly sure that it’s about actually acting upon the visions; acting upon the dreams; doing stuff and being okay with yourself.
It’s the doing and the being at ease. It’s the testing out of the ‘new you’, it’s the actual walking the new path you have just spent considerable time and agony paving for yourself.
Actually knowing and feeling and believing that the events that ‘took you down’ are now in the past.
It’s getting the feedback on every level that your path is real, and it feels all kinds of ways that you have not been used to. It is getting used to the new, getting used to the unknown in order to make it the known path and to be able to rely on it.
So, moving on is the phase, if you like, of going beyond formulation, it’s acting upon the new formulations that you’ve made for yourself for the way you want to be; the way you want to feel; and the things you want to do in life.
Moving on is acting at a different level where there are opportunities you can make now and opportunities you can take now.
If you like this article and you want to learn more about recovery for tough times, I’ve just released my new book, Smile Again: Your Recovery from Burnout, Breakdown & Overwhelming Stress, click here to check it out.